I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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