Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
