OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
