one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
