btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
