Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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