I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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