Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
