Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
