My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
