I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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