Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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