tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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