After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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