watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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