Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
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