all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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