I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
