I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
