Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
