her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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