Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
