Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
