I just saw a hot homeless man
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
