hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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