i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
