I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
