Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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