Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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