two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
