I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
