Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
