Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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