Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
