so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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