it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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