Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
