sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
