If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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