How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
