while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
