i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
