I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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