Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
