i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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