I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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