We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
