she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
