Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
