why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
