So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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