Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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