please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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