im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
