Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want to make out with him forever
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
