Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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