I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
