The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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