Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
