guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
