I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
