And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
