turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
