i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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