im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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