the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
