The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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