Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
