Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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