Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
