we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
