Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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