i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
