I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize